31 January 2015

Limericks

Many of my favourite are Isaac Asimov's (hard to find on-line). I do not know who wrote some of the other ones I enjoy. Apparently, the form requires a certain amount of lechery, although I've read good, non-lecherous limericks, notably by Mad Kane. I suppose one has to be a master limerick writer to pull that kind of thing off. Here are some of my favourite lecherous limericks. No offense to anyone.

In the Garden of Eden lay Adam,
Complacently stroking his madam,
And loud was his mirth
For he knew that on earth
There were only two balls -- and he had 'em.
That's a tight one that seems to have everything going for it: rhyme, humour, lechery, and the fact that it's conversational (it doesn't sound forced). I'd be happy to know who wrote it, and give them credit.



There was a young man of Cape Horn
Who wished he had never been born,
And he wouldn't have been
If his father had seen
That the end of the rubber was torn.
Another good one by I don't know who. If you know, let me know. And please try Mad Kane's prompts, to which I have not adhered fully. And oh, I almost forgot, I've always thought that the reason we have so many bad limericks is because they're delicate, yet look like they're simple to pen.


And they don't have to follow the declared pattern or rhyme-scheme, either. Some are limericky for deliberately breaking that pattern and/or its scheme. Why? Because we've come to expect a certain number of feet, and a certain rhyme scheme, declared in the first two verses. When that is broken, we feel what the writer of the particular limerick meant for us to feel. Here's an example. I wish I knew who had written this one, too:
There was a young man from Japan
Whose limericks never would scan.
When asked why this was,
He answered, "because
I always try to fit as many syllables into the last line as ever possibly I can."

There was a man from Ghent
Who had a penis so long it bent
It was so much trouble
That he kept it double
And instead of coming he went.

A wonderful bird is the Pelican.
His beak can hold more than his belly can.
He can hold in his beak
Enough food for a week!
But I'll be darned if I know how the hellican?

There once was a plumber from Lee,
who was plumbing his girl by the sea,
she said 'Stop your plumbing',
'there's somebody coming',
said the plumber still plumbing... 'It's me!'

There once was a man from Bonaire,
who was doing his wife on the stair,
when the banister broke,
he doubled his stroke,
and finished her off in midair.
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